Anything but Ordinary

blogging in camp

man! WHAT A GENIUS!! this is the first time in so many attempts that i've finally managed to get thru the camp's stupid computer to type my blog!! hee~ so excited...but it's at the expense of having to change my password everytime if i wanna log in...so troublesome...haiz...

alright...here i am...eating bread and typing at the same time...IN CAMP...instead of going home to enjoy the long wkend... feels really miserable to be staying back when everyone else goes home happily... especially when i'm gonna stay for the wkend, follow thru the wkdays till next fri comes along...today is only the 4th day of the 11 gruelling days...7 more days to go...endure!!!! arggh... fortunately i brought some entertainment(vcds) and i still have some junk food that i can munch on when i'm bored... so i'm starting with bread tonight!!

i guess cherry is going to celebrate her birthday with the guys this sat...feel so guilty that i couldn't go....i wonder if there's anything i can do to compensate that?? hm... sunday is even more important...Mothers' Day....sigh...now thinking about it makes me even more guilty(i chose to receive $$ for doing the sunday duty rather than spending time with my family)....this time next yr, i'll not be around to celebrate Mothers' Day with my family..haiz..anyway i just hope that my sis is able to make up for my absence!

called xiaotong on tue night...realised that she's down with fever and flu too..sigh..lotsa pple around me are getting sick...my sis, my bunkmates, my cousin, now xiaotong... haiz...i have a feeling it's becos of me! haha...
anyway i'm supposed to meet her out to have dinner at Crystal Jade...i promised her i'll treat her to nice food(i seemed to have promised alot of pple too)... hee~ since she's sick, this meal has to be postponed!! hee~

listening to Yes 93.3Fm now.... it's Music Diary time now.... my favourite in-camp programme...though it's very short, yet it's the only thing i look forward to whenever i need to stay in camp at night..
tonight's topic is about a guy, currently studying in england, writing in to speak about his fear that his gf, currently in singapore might consider leaving him becos they have been separated for several yrs now... he was afraid that the girl might find the cross-countries relationship too stressful and in the end break up with him...he mentioned about how distraught she was when she learnt that he needed to go overseas to further studies initially, she even asked him," Would you stay, FOR ME?"... however the guy knows that studying overseas is the only way that he can get the degree he really needs to get a good job in future, and he managed to convince her eventually....he has been studying so hard since then, constantly with her being the reason for those hard work, and he realised that it's probably time to reassure her again, that he WILL come back for her and also to fulfil their promises to each other, that they'll get married and enjoy their happiness..... once again he hopes that she can hold on for just a little more longer...then the DJ played the song YUE DING by GUANG LIANG....how more apt can it be?..it really brought back some thoughts into my mind...

i'm gonna go overseas study soon next yr... alot of my frenz asked me why i wouldn't wanna try looking again ever since my breakup with my ex... seriously, after my previous failed relationship, i had lost almost all the confidence i used to have... everything i used to believe, my faith, my enthusiasm about relationships were crushed the moment i realised that whatever i do, it's still not enough....this unpredictability about a relationship, really scares me off.... one moment we could be having fun and enjoying each other's company, the next moment a break-up would just happen....
i met a pretty nice ger couple of months ago..in a pub(yesh, u can meet nice gers in pubs too!!)..i had to say i was pretty attracted to her.. but just when i thought i could try knowing her more, or perhaps try to be more than just frenz with her, i was pulled back.... i realised that i couldn't do it....many a time i wanted to sms/call her to ask her out, but many a time i only managed to flip open the phone and stare at it for awhile before flipping it back again to close it...i believe that she has a pretty good impression of me...just that...probably... my hesitation has killed off the opportunity...haiz...was i afraid to open my heart out again? i asked myself...or was it becos i'm gonna leave singapore soon?...that i'm afraid to face the same situation like nicole is facing now...though i still think that she should do the right thing, just like the guy who wrote in to the Music Diary programme...

i wonder...when will i ever get my confidence back? when can i convince myself to bring back the belief and faith i used to have?? who can help me??

posted by Stoner @ 9:20 pm