Anything but Ordinary

start to clear my leaves today... woke up feeling reeally great that i dun have to think about booking in camp and stay-in for 5 wkdays....felt abit lost in the morning too.. duno what i should do for the whole day and for the next few days... took 1 whole afternoon to backup my hard disk so that i can start formatting it tonight... the afternoon was so hot and stuffy that i suddenly recalled a friend of mine once mentioned there's nothing better than jumping into a pool on a hot day...thus i did what she said, except that i didn't jump, but just lowered myself... had abit of sun-tanning too to try and balance up my body tan. However before i could really enjoy myself, a whole chunk of grey clouds coupled with some strong wind spoiled my mood...so i thought that it would be wise to leave asap before i get caught in the rain...

the newspaper man came by a while ago to collect the monthly fees... couldn't find enough money to pay him and in the end i had to use my precious $50...
the note was from a girl who matters alot to me...a memory of the last time we hung out together...i've kept it for more than 2 yrs already...now that it is given away,is GOD trying to tell me something? i'm feeling lost right now... the note can never be retrieved... is that the end?

my mum once told me that everyone has some regrets.... which makes me think that life is all about making choices... everyday, we're making decisions which will determine whether they will be our regrets or not.... i'm beginning to realise that i've bypassed alot of choices in my life... i did not get to experience the kind of life most of my frenz have gone thru... but if i were to really go thru what they have gone thru, will i be who i am today?

now that my National Service full-time committment is coming to an end, and it's about time i settle my university procedures, doubts begin to surface on the decision that i've made... should i really go overseas to further my studies? are my parent's finances enough to see me thru? if not, should i stay and wait till they are more financially comfortable to send me over? i know that if i were to ask them these qns, they will think that delaying now would risk having me lose the interest in going back to studies in future.... they would rather i complete my degree, get it over and done with....

anyway, with all those support they had shown me, i guess the only thing i can do for them is to do as they wish, go on to complete my degree, hopefully with honours too to do them proud....

i'm still fretting over the $50 note....i feel so empty inside now....like i've lost something very very important... i guess this is a knot in my heart that will never be able to go away... i've been hanging out at Raffles Xchange and City Hall just so that i hope i would be able to bump into her one day... am i being stupid? i knew it's impossible between us, but my mind can't stop thinking and my heart can't stop hoping....

perhaps one day...perhaps...i would be able to let it go....

posted by Stoner @ 11:16 pm