kitchen helper!
i must have seemed pretty lost recently.. considering that i've only picked myself up today...if i could barely recall when i started to be in this stagnant state of mind, it probably has to be the moment the final whistle was blown to hand EPL soccer team Arsenal the 1 - 0 win to the Manyoos.... it was a a truly inspiring game... defeating manyoo in the most deserving manner in Old Trafford. It was like, a group of pple going to another group of pple's home and teach them how to tidy up their place... though the victory was only measured with 1 goal and is usually associated with 'lucky goal' or 'controversial goal' or 'scrappy goal' to those who did not watch the entire game, those who did, will definitely feel the same way as i do, that the gunners has turned in a remarkable performance to out-play their opponents and the solitary goal only serves to remind the manyoos that there COULD HAVE BEEN more.....
seriously, someday i surely wouldn't reject the job of a correspondent to write articles for my favourite team...but i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one with this passion... soccer is a big part of my entertainment and though i derive more comfort in playing basketball, EPL articles and news are a big must-know for me everyday...
i've started to help out my mum in her factory in the morning, helping her make a few dishes while picking up some of those great culinary skills that were passed down from my grandpa to my mum and hopefully eventually goes to me... we would go to the wet market to buy some ingredients for the day and i must say these past few mornings have been the happiest i've had... cos i finally get to see the 'housewife' side of my mum again... the last time she cooked in front of me was when i was in kindergarten... maybe this is just one of those sacrifices which i've had to make when my family has a business.....my childhood was kindof different from most of the children in a way....cos the time i used to spend with my parents was significantly lower due to their committment to the family business. Even till now, i envy the little kids who has the luxury of having breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday with their parents at their favourite places...
anyway, i dun have to help out on wkend mornings, so it's a 2 good days for me to rest and enjoy myself....being alone...haha...
a penny for my thoughts...
how much do u know about urself?
i asked myself this qns for the whole day today.. i've come to realised that actually, i'm not exactly sure what kind of a personality i have... my lecturer in poly must told us that there're 2 kinds of personalities in us....first is the personality that we've come to understand, second is the personality that we've projected to others like friends, relatives, etc... but this does not mean that all of us has multiple personalities, it just mean that we understand ourselves differently from the others.. in other words, what you think you are, might not be similar to what others think of you...
thus...i'm very eager to know what kind of person i really am in other pple's mind.... how much is the personality i projected to my family and frenz different from what i've understood about myself?
i can still remember my mum once told me that when he asked a good fren of mine about me, my fren merely replied that i'm a guy who wouldn't gossip about another person or say awful things about him behind his back... i'm not really sure if this is who i really am, but i do know that sometimes i dun really bother to critcise someone behind his back...i rather save the time to concentrate on my stuffs....
spending time in the army has been a rather fruitful experience... what i've learnt from the 2 yrs is something which i would never have thought of learning... They are experiences which can get me to survive in the cruel and materialistic society.. i've seen many kinds of pple during my time in different camps and vocations, heard the different life experiences from them and it's only then that i realised how insignificant i can be.... the world is really a very big place...the trip to australia will definitely be another fruitful learning experience for me... and i'm really looking forward to this trip that might just change my life... i hope so....
"we sometimes take the things we have for granted, only to learn to appreciate it when it is gone"
how true it certainly is....
chatted with a female fren of mine in msn last night.... this is the first time i've chatted so long with her ever since we knew each other.... before, she always reply in short words.... making it hard to continue our conversation for more than 5 mins... however, we even managed to crap each other out last night....certainly a breakthrough which i've been seeking...but...could it be a little too late? as willie has pointed out today during our short meeting, she is so much different now....i can finally say that me and her are living in 2 different worlds right now....whether our worlds can cross each other's paths, this remains yet to be seen...
anyway...this is all for ---- a penny for my thoughts....
start to clear my leaves today... woke up feeling reeally great that i dun have to think about booking in camp and stay-in for 5 wkdays....felt abit lost in the morning too.. duno what i should do for the whole day and for the next few days... took 1 whole afternoon to backup my hard disk so that i can start formatting it tonight... the afternoon was so hot and stuffy that i suddenly recalled a friend of mine once mentioned there's nothing better than jumping into a pool on a hot day...thus i did what she said, except that i didn't jump, but just lowered myself... had abit of sun-tanning too to try and balance up my body tan. However before i could really enjoy myself, a whole chunk of grey clouds coupled with some strong wind spoiled my mood...so i thought that it would be wise to leave asap before i get caught in the rain...
the newspaper man came by a while ago to collect the monthly fees... couldn't find enough money to pay him and in the end i had to use my precious $50...
the note was from a girl who matters alot to me...a memory of the last time we hung out together...i've kept it for more than 2 yrs already...now that it is given away,is GOD trying to tell me something? i'm feeling lost right now... the note can never be retrieved... is that the end?
my mum once told me that everyone has some regrets.... which makes me think that life is all about making choices... everyday, we're making decisions which will determine whether they will be our regrets or not.... i'm beginning to realise that i've bypassed alot of choices in my life... i did not get to experience the kind of life most of my frenz have gone thru... but if i were to really go thru what they have gone thru, will i be who i am today?
now that my National Service full-time committment is coming to an end, and it's about time i settle my university procedures, doubts begin to surface on the decision that i've made... should i really go overseas to further my studies? are my parent's finances enough to see me thru? if not, should i stay and wait till they are more financially comfortable to send me over? i know that if i were to ask them these qns, they will think that delaying now would risk having me lose the interest in going back to studies in future.... they would rather i complete my degree, get it over and done with....
anyway, with all those support they had shown me, i guess the only thing i can do for them is to do as they wish, go on to complete my degree, hopefully with honours too to do them proud....
i'm still fretting over the $50 note....i feel so empty inside now....like i've lost something very very important... i guess this is a knot in my heart that will never be able to go away... i've been hanging out at Raffles Xchange and City Hall just so that i hope i would be able to bump into her one day... am i being stupid? i knew it's impossible between us, but my mind can't stop thinking and my heart can't stop hoping....
perhaps one day...perhaps...i would be able to let it go....
